


Returned Damaged

by saye0036



Series: Bond | Q | Alec Trevelyan | Silva | Blofeld- Stories [1]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies), James Bond - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Death, Developing Relationship, Grief/Mourning, Love Confessions, Multi, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-05-11 18:26:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5637247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saye0036/pseuds/saye0036
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bond returns from Skyfall damaged and comes to Q’s flat drunk.  A relationship evolves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is part one of three stories. 
> 
> 1\. Returned Damage  
> 2\. Flirting  
> 3\. Understanding

Q sips tea in front of the telly on a rainy evening. The past few weeks have been the best and worst of his career. He became Q, then managed to plug a deranged killer's computer into MI6 systems, thus allowing him to escape and kill more people.

M.

She was an interesting woman and now she's gone. Q would have loved a chance to get to know her better.

Work is still in mourning for her, the dominating matriarch who controlled those halls for so long. Tanner, Mallory and Eve have all told him he is not to blame but...

The doubt lingers and there is someone out there who might not agree with their assessment. 007 has not returned from his medical leave. To be honest Q's frightened to come face to face with him again.

Tanner's crushed by her loss. Q can only imagine how despondent Bond must be. There were no shortage of rumours around MI6, indicating a special, pardon the pun, Bond between the two of them.

If 007's rush to get to her and kidnap her was any indication, it was not just M being sentimental about her best agent.

James Bond has always had the ability to make Q feel like an unsure school boy, his palms sweat and he feels giddy and nervous in the man's presence. More so than any of the other double 0 agents that work with him. They all have a different style about them, but Bond is a creature that imbeds himself in your psyche with ease.

The annoying man has been in Q's thoughts a great deal since they were introduced in the museum. The pictures of Bond that he viewed before their first meeting, did nothing to prepare him for actually seeing the man and having those intense eyes meet his. Q almost lost his breath when they locked on him. He just managed to look back to the artwork, without completely embarrassing himself. He gave Bond the information package for his ill fated trip to China.

Q putters around the flat, feeding his cats and getting ready for bed when a pounding sounds at his door.

Q hesitates and calls out. "Who is it?"

"Bond."

Q opens the door quickly to see Bond's red rimmed eyes as he leans disheveled against the frame of his door.

"Well are you going to let me in?"

Q moves out of the way not knowing what to say.

Bond moves to remove his coat but stumbles drunkenly into the wall. "Q, you and I need to talk."

"007 I'm sure whatever you have to talk about can wait until tomorrow when you're sober. I didn't think you were due back until next week?"

"The funeral was today."

"Yes I know, I was there and I did not see you."

"You...not...suppose...to see...us. The others were there too...did you see them?"

"What the other double 0 agents? I think I saw 005 but what's your point Bond?"

"We were all there...and stayed...stayed in the shadows....where we belong." Bond finally manages to dump his coat on the floor and walks into Q's kitchen. Bond moves to the refrigerator and opens the door. He finds what he was looking for and retrieves a beer.

"Help yourself 007." Q says rolling his eyes at the inebriated agent. "Why are you here Bond?"

"What? Don't you want me here? Come on...I heard...that you...well...I can't imagine...you not wanting me? Most do...that is what 00 agent are for...getting into places...with our looks and skills..."

Bond wanders to the living room and plops down on the sofa. "Whatever it is you heard. I do not enjoy being snuck up on Bond." Q says peaved at the fact his sexuallity has obviously been the fodder for gossip amongst the double 0 section.

"Don't get your knickers...in a twist Q. I came here...to find out...how in...the hell it happened?"

"What happened?"

"You....you know bloody well...how did Silva do it?"

"Enter the systems? I plugged him in because M ordered me to find out what was on that laptop." Q says quietly.

Even saying it, sounds hollow to his own ears. He never should have plugged it into the main system regardless of M's orders. That is usually the number one rule. It was just that when you get an order to do something from on high that is needed so quickly...well the rules get bent. This time, him bending the rules got M killed.

"She did...you...should have known better!"

"This is it...this is what I've been worried about. Bond, I am sorry. I know I never should have and I understand if...if you..."

"If I WHAT! You understand nothing!" Bond yells. "We all had a hand in it...all of us! You were new...you should have been...the more cautious of the lot...of...us."

"Yes. You're right. I should have been."

"I miss her."

Bond says it so quietly Q barely hears it. "What?"

"I miss...her...M."

"I think all of MI6 misses M."

"No."

"No?"

"Not like this." Bond points to his chest. To his heart actually. "Maybe...Tanner...the two of us...we were closest...she...she..."

"You were like sons to her."

Bond looks at Q with a glance that says far more than his drunken slurred words can manage. There is a tear coming out of the corner of his eye. It silently slips down to splash against his black dress shirt.

"Ok, not like a son then."

"No. Not like a son."

"Bond...were you?"

"Yes."

Q was thinking lovers but he does not think Bond's answer cover that completely. "No one knows that you were lovers. There were rumours of you being her favourite but no one went to the extent to think you were lovers."

"Lovers....lovers...what is...a lover? I was...I wanted...was a lover...of a sort."

"Of a sort?" Q is confused by his drunken musings on the definition of lover. He supposes at different periods of history that there were other interpretations of the term. It seem more like Bond is trying desperately to find that answer himself.

"We never...I didn't have...the nerve...she never would have...it bloody well never got that far!" Bond snaps grabbing Q by the shoulders and shaking him. Eyes bloodshot and crazed with bubbling emotion. Regret. Bond is wallowing in pain and regret.

Q freezes in fear and remorse for what this damaged man has lost. It's eating at him, just as the guilt of what happened has been eating at Q.

"You loved her." It's not really a question. Q understands a bit about unrequited love. Having a crush sitting on your sofa with you, while confessing his love for someone else is like a stab to the heart.

"Yes." Bond releases Q as the answer croaks out of his throat and he leans forward and palms his face with his hands.

Q has no idea what to say next. The man is in gut wrenching pain, so he says what everyone says in incidences like these. "I'm sorry." It sounds hollow but it's true. Q feels the pain hang in the silence between them.

Q barely knew her but was struck by her all the same. Now she's gone and there is a gaping hole where she use to be. None of that is more evident than with Bill Tanner and James Bond. The two of them remain quiet for a while, as Bond drinks his expropriated beer.

Q feels like telling him, that he hardly needs any more alcohol but maybe he does. James is drowning in remorse as well as drink.

"I just wanted to know...why...why...you did it?"

"What? Plug in the machine?"

"Yes."

"She ordered me too! M never seemed like a woman who expected her employees to ignore her wishes."

Bond scoffs out a sudden laugh. "No...she wasn't...that type of woman."

"What type of woman was she Bond? I didn't know her long."

"She was...I don't want too...I can't talk about her."

"Maybe you think that, but you came here to do just that. Unless, you were just here to steal my last beer."

"Fine! M...she made me...guided me. Yelled at me...bitched me out for being an ass...many...times...but she trusted me. I pushed her and she bloody well pushed back! I always managed to...coerce...manipulate...but...not with her. I never got my own way...she never let me close enough. I flirted...I tried...she never saw me...or refused to believe it...I would have...with time. Beautiful...she was older...but there was so much beauty in her...around her. Bitch that she was...she owned it! No one could ignore her...power...her eyes...her eyes, so blue. They flashed and I would loose my breath...electric. There is no more time. I failed. We all failed. She died...I am near to death. That's what a 00 is...always...near...to...death.

"I am so sorry Bond. I don't know if I can ever successfully get you to believe that, but I am. I did not want her to die."

"I know...I know. I fought with Bill tonight...over the same thing...we all had a hand in it. Mallory could have ordered back up. M could have told me...she had been shot. Tanner...shit! Tanner could have got her out of that courtroom earlier...you emailed him."

"Yes but she refused to leave. Listen Bond, Tanner and Mallory feel as guilty as me about what happened, but there is nothing more we can do. We cannot go back in time."

"No. We can't. If you could start working on a time...tardis...machine...thing. I will be your first test subject. You let me know...if you ever start working on one...ok."

Q cannot help but smile at the request. "I will let you know the moment I manage time travel Bond. Would you like to sleep on the sofa?"

"I would rather not be alone...could I?" James nods his head towards the hall which leads to Q's bedroom.

"What?" Q says shocked.

"Could I...sleep with you?" Bond looks at him with pitiful eyes. Q flushes red and stands up holding out his hand for Bond to take. James takes it and follows him to the bedroom.

"I don't want to be a rebound 007."

"You aren't. You're a friend. I just want to feel warm...still so cold...I like you...I do trust you Q. Whatever happens...don't doubt that."

Q has had relationships begin with less and he cannot deny his attraction for the older man.

"Bond...whatever happens..." Q begins to help Bond undress as Bond's clumsy hands begin to help Q undress.

It's not like Bond has never had a relations with a man before, and after what she put him through...He simply can't find solace in the arms of another woman that means nothing to him.

"Yes, Q."

"I do hope you don't snore. I have to work tomorrow."

"I don't think I be much of a threat to your sleep tonight Q, but I don't make promises..."

"Promises about what 007?" Q asks hesitantly.

"About when I'm sober."

"Will you regret this Bond?"

"No, but you might."

"I think I will take a chance on you James."

"Good...I'm taking a chance on you too Q. I am not friends with many."

"Do you sleep with all your friends?"

"Yes, or at least I try to...just ask Eve."

"What about Tanner?"

"Like brothers...he and I...we could never..."

"Ok, but Mallory?"

"He is the new M...and I do...have a thing for...M's."

"I bet you do. Authority figure complex." They are both down to their pants and crawl into bed and spoon. Q is not willing to cross the line yet. Bond is too drunk and just needs a friend in this moment.

"Yes." Bond says sounding despondent again. His mind going back to the woman he loved and respected more than any other.

Q realizes his mistake the moment he says it. Bond held the woman he loved in his arms as she died. That is too much for him to bare at this time. His emotions are running wild and allowing this new relationship in is a big step for the man.

Q hopes this evolves into something more. He is more than halfway in love with the stubborn man as it is.

Tomorrow is another day. The pain will lessen over time and hopefully Bond's heart will heal with the help of a very good friend.

 

 

 


	2. The Morning After

Q wakes early and leaves Bond to sleep off his hangover. Q readies himself for work wondering about James' confessions last evening.

Q's very attracted to Bond, but he really doesn't relish being one of his toss away playthings. What will it do to their professional relationship?

"Damn it all!" Q says after he misses his train daydreaming of the blond man, sleeping off his grief fuelled drunkenness in his bed at home. 007 is trouble plain and simple. An incredibly sexy package of trouble. It eats at him as he catches the next train to work.

What does Bond want with him? First off, he never took the man for having any major draw towards other men, but then he would not be a stranger to it in his type of work. Why did Bond pick his flat to pass out in? Why not Moneypenny's? They have always seemed close.

Eve is the first to acknowledge Q upon his arrival. "Q, you look done in. What have you been doing? Staying up all night watching telly?"

"No, Eve. I had a late night visitor."

"Ohhhh...do tell? A booty call?"

"No a 007 call. Very drunk."

Eve smiles and laughs. "Really?"

"Yes. I don't know what to make of it Eve? I didn't think...and then he asked to sleep with me."

Eve follows him down the corridors towards his lab to continue the conversation.

"Q; do you have a crush on 007?"

Q can feel his face turn red and heat up.

"I guess that answers my question. What did Bond say? Why did he come to your place?"

"He wanted to know how and WHY?"

"Why what?"

"How Silva did it and why I plugged in his computer to the mainframe, releasing him. Bond was a wreck...I've never seen him like that. And did you know he was at the funeral yesterday?"

"No I didn't but it doesn't surprise me. What else did he confess to you drunk, besides wanting an evening in your bed?"

"He was crying over M. He...he was hit very hard by her death...I think...well as you can imagine...he said he...fought about M. He had just come from a pub with Tanner."

Moneypenny's eyes light up. "Oh, don't worry I know Q. You are not giving any secrets away by saying that he loved her. We all knew how close they were."

"Not just close but…"

"But what Q?"

"That he was in love with her."

"WHAT! As in...affair with the boss...in love!"

"Yes; and she broke him, by dying in his arms."

"Christ! Did they? Does Tanner know? He likely does. I mean did Bond tell you how far it went?"

"It was unrequited love. She never let him close enough."

A tear suddenly drops from Moneypenny's eye. "Oh dear...god. Poor James...this is just the worst. My heart breaks for him. It breaks for them both."

"Yes; well now he's still passed out at my flat."

"What are you going to do Q?"

"Nothing...nothing happened. I told him I don't want to be his rebound. I don't think it's wise to encourage him further."

"Good for you Q. Yes you don't need that kind of James Bond driven madness right now."

"No…I don't need that." Q says pensively thinking about kissing the blond agent.

"You want too...don't you? You want the madness that he can provide. You little devil you."

"Well…I..."

"Q, I am going to give you some advice about James Bond. Hold out as long as you can. Force a deeper friendship first. Friendship over sex, even if you desperately want to give in."

"You think he will respect that more?"

"No but he's too damaged now and needs to see this clearly. I will speak to him. He will sleep with you but then he will leave, and from what I can tell, you are in this for the long haul. You don't seem the type to crush on someone just to sleep with them once and say that it's all fine and goodbye...oh by the way I will see you everyday at work."

"I see your point. I thought that last night. I will speak with him sometime soon, or he may just play like the entire thing didn't happen." Q says, more than a little depressed at the thought.

"He might; but knowing James, I don't think so. He respects your position in the organization, and hopefully he will be professional. It's you I'm concerned about Q. A heavily one sided relationship is not fun. I know I've done it. Let James mourn M and then ask him out. At least you know that he's willing, and that's half the battle right there. I have to get to work now. Promise to tell me if anything else happens."

"I will. Thank you for reaffirming my own opinions Eve."

Eve leaves Q branch and heads upstairs to Mallory's...M's office. She text's Bond's mobile.

_We need to talk._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bond's head feels like a disaster. His mobile is making beeping noises somewhere on the floor of? Q...Q's bedroom. Damn it!

Bond stumbles around looking for his things.

 _We need to talk_. Eve. Damn it!

He hopes he hasn't screwed this up, royally. Work relationships are delicate and Bond only has a few friends. Christ he should know better by now.

Bond dresses and leaves the flat getting a cab back to his new place. There is little, to no furnishing but his clothes are here. He climbs into the shower and lets the water sooth him as much as it's able.

What does he want from Q? Friendship or the possibility of more? Why did he go to Q's flat?

He remembers arguing about...M...with Tanner at the pub. They got ripping drunk reminiscing. Tanner knew about his feelings for M; but not the level of affection. Tanner's pissed at him for falling for her and failing as much as he is. As if he could ever forgive himself for losing her.

Damn; he remembers thinking about Q and the entire Skyfall disaster throughout the evening. Like a lost dog he bloody well ends up on Q's doorstep begging for...answers and a place to sleep.

What Kincade said to James after MI6 came to claim M's body from Skyfall, echoes in his thoughts.

_"She wouldn't want your tears for her death. She was the type of woman who knew that the dead don't feel, only the living. Go keep living for her."_

Damn the old man and his sage wisdom. Now there's this mess with Q at the centre. Not what he expected to happen but maybe what he needs to happen.

He remembers meeting Q in the museum. The young man, so full of playing cloak and dagger, giving him his papers and equipment. At first, Bond remembers being annoyed by the lads dry sense of humour and unsolicited opinions on antiquities. The obvious personal comparisons create a banter between them.

Perhaps this relationship was cemented in that first exchange. The clash of Bond's initial attack on his youth and new opinions, and Q's grudging acceptance of Bond expertise, honed by age and experience.

Regardless, Bond still sees a big bloody ship, that did some damage for Queen and country in it's life. Not yet ready to be ignominiously hauled off for scrap like Q suggests.

Q's a handsome lad...Bond noticed, along with the spots, and he's been around enough to know the signs of Q's preferences. Bond must have gone to Q's flat to offer up some company. Nothing like forgetting someone, by climbing into bed with someone else. This is a habit formed over a lifetime of emotional losses, some greater than others.

Bits of their conversations last night, drift back to him. James told him; confessed to him; all those long hidden longings for the older woman in his life. His heart still clenches when he thinks about her. What M said to him as he held her that first and last time.

_I suppose it's too late to make a run for it...I did get one thing right._

James will bury it. Bury it deep down in the pit of past failings.

Tanner knows and now Q does, and he doesn't want to be the rebound. Completely understandable, and there are a mountain of reasons why they shouldn't.

Still...Q might be good for Bond. He calls him on his crap and doesn't seem intimidated. Q manages to look past all or most of his faults. Perhaps it's a symptom of youth and only short time at MI6. Q has not had the time to become jaded and that is the attraction.

Time to face the music and call Eve.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Well, that was enlightening.

Eve's pissed at him. He already assumed that by her text and subsequent messages.

Eve becoming Q's protector is understandable, after all that has happened recently. The lot of them have become closer in their shared grief over the Skyfall tragedy.

This makes him even more interested in Q. He can't stop thinking about him and when he does stop thinking about him, he sinks back into a deep melancholy.

Q's sweet on him, Eve confirms it. This makes Bond smile. This is something he had serious doubts that he would ever do again. At least, not this soon after...

Who knows, after some time passes, maybe dinner and drinks?

Bond smiles to himself as he climbs into his car to head into the office. James Bond may just be more than a little sweet on Q too.

Yes. Definitely dinner and drinks. It's a new beginning after all, and what's the harm in flirting? It comes as naturally to Bond as breathing or drinking.

If this relationship gets off the ground at all there will be nothing unrequited about this one. Lacking in confidence has never usually been an issue for Bond. He hesitated for M but that was different, she was his boss. Q is a completely different story.

If anything it will be a fun diversion for the both of them. Anything is possible, and today could be the beginning of a beautiful...friendship.

To be continued...

**Author's Note:**

> Continued in the stories Flirting and Understanding.  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/5701045  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/5732485/chapters/13209622


End file.
